本期作文題目：
　　You are the office manager at an insurance company. You have arranged for contractors to upgrade your computer system. This means the system will be shut down for a full day.
　 　Write a memo of 40-50 words:
　　informing staff of the shutdown
　　 telling them when it will happen
　　asking them to prepare alternative work for the day.
　　
老師提示：
　　商務(wù)寫作中遵循的原則是：簡潔，精確，禮貌。在考試中或者工作中，格式基本已經(jīng) 給出，所以只需要我們寫正文即可。正文中我們寫作要做到選詞精當(dāng)，一針見血，語法正確，不出低級錯誤的句子。備忘錄屬于半正式的文體寫作，所以在句子選擇 上可以適當(dāng)放寬，不必太正式。
　　
網(wǎng)友作文一：
　　MEMORANDUM
　　from : Tom TO : all staff
　　date : 25/8
　　Because our computor system will be upgraded by the contractors on 28 AUGUEST, so the system will be shut down for a full day on that day[1], i ask for you prepare alternative work for the[2] day. and the work don't use computer system .
　　I think you can give a good performance to me to pass the accident. [3]
　　TOM

名師修改意見：　
[1]Business writing 中盡量少使用because....so... 這樣的結(jié)構(gòu)，看起來不夠?qū)I(yè)，改為：As we plan to upgrade.....
[2]有中式英文的痕跡：我要求你們。。。。改為：please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer.
[3]這不能算作accident, 既然已經(jīng)計劃好了。整句去掉。換成thank you.
　　
網(wǎng)友作文二：
　　From: office manager
　　To: all staff
　　Subject: the company system
　　I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4]
　　Thank you.[5]

名師修改意見：　　
[1]去掉這個開頭，直接用被動語態(tài)開頭。
[2]去掉，多余了。
[3]如果你不能保證用長復(fù)句可以表達清楚，那么建議換成短句吧。拆成幾個短句也許表達更貼切呢。
[4]這句話看起來非常不清楚，主語在哪里?please 的后面是嗎?改成：please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.
[5]另換一行
　　
網(wǎng)友作文三：
　　Dear all:
　　The file system will shtudown [1]due to system maintainance next Friday.
　　It will take a full day to finish this job.[2]
　　Please do not acccess the [3]file server that day and backup your files one it[4].

名師修改意見：　　
[1]夠干練了，語法錯誤多。 Be shut down
[2]去掉
[3]Access to
[4]On it?
　　
網(wǎng)友作文四：
　　From: office Manager
　　To: all staff
　　Subject: upgarde of computer system
　　As our computer system need to be upgraded, we have arranged the contarctors to upgrade the them [1]on Wedesday. On that day all computers should be shutted down for a full day, so you need arrange some alternative work for that day.

名師修改意見：　　
[1]第一: 不要重復(fù)使用前面已經(jīng)用過的詞;第二：指代錯誤，前面說的system 是單數(shù)，怎么到這里變成了them? 合成一句：as we have arranged the contractor to upgrade our computer system.