如果用光速來(lái)形容我們的生活節(jié)奏,應(yīng)該也不過(guò)分。但在這個(gè)便捷的時(shí)代,快樂(lè)卻像是鉆石一樣稀少難得。
即使偶爾得到了快樂(lè),快樂(lè)的純度好像也被稀釋了很多。所以,今天我們來(lái)探討個(gè)問(wèn)題:怎樣才能獲得高純度的快樂(lè)呢?
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先來(lái)看下面這個(gè)故事。
In the 1960s and 1970s, Walter Mischel, then a psychologist and professor at Stanford University, conducted a series of experiments in children.
二十世紀(jì)六、七十年代,斯坦福大學(xué)的心理學(xué)家、教授瓦爾特?米歇爾(Walter Mischel)在兒童之中進(jìn)行過(guò)一系列實(shí)驗(yàn)。
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In the experiment, Mischel and his colleagues wanted to see if preschool children (around four-years-old) had developed the mental capacity to resist the temptation of a small reward to earn a larger reward later.
在實(shí)驗(yàn)中,米歇爾和同事們想知道學(xué)齡前兒童(四歲左右)是否有足夠心智為之后更大的獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)抵抗住眼前小誘惑。
They presented each of the 653 subjects with a choice: ring a bell and get one marshmallow immediately or wait fifteen minutes and earn two.
他們給653名參加實(shí)驗(yàn)的兒童這樣的選擇:要么敲鈴可立即獲得一個(gè)棉花糖,要么等待十五分鐘獲得兩個(gè)棉花糖。
While a minority of them instantly opted for a single marshmallow, most children attempted to hold on, for varying times, to get their reward. In the end, only about thirty percent were able to delay gratification for the full fifteen minute period earning their second marshmallow.
少數(shù)人立即要了一個(gè)棉花糖,但大多數(shù)兒童選擇多等待一會(huì)兒,以爭(zhēng)取更大的獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)。最終結(jié)果來(lái)看,只有約百分之三十的兒童能夠等待十五分鐘,拿到兩個(gè)棉花糖。
Following these initial experiments, Mischel grew curious about the subsequent development of these children. Would their differences in willpower persist into adolescence and adulthood? And if so, what effect would these differences have on their lives?
根據(jù)這些初步實(shí)驗(yàn),Mischel很好奇這些孩子后續(xù)發(fā)展會(huì)怎樣。他們身長(zhǎng)的意志力差異是否會(huì)持續(xù)到青春期和成年期?如果有,這些差異對(duì)他們的生活有什么影響?
A decade later, Mischel and his colleagues (2010) began to follow up with the original subjects. They found that the subjects’ performance as four-year-olds did indeed have powerful implications on their general livelihoods.
十年后,米歇爾和同事(2010年)開(kāi)始跟進(jìn)原始研究課題。他們發(fā)現(xiàn),實(shí)驗(yàn)者四歲時(shí)候的表現(xiàn)確實(shí)對(duì)他們以后生活有強(qiáng)大的影響。
The four-year-olds who could delay gratification longer went on to receive significantly higher SAT scores. They also developed better social cognitive and emotional coping skills.
那些四歲時(shí)候,能夠延遲滿(mǎn)足感的實(shí)驗(yàn)者,SAT分?jǐn)?shù)更高,社會(huì)認(rèn)知和情感應(yīng)對(duì)技能也更強(qiáng)。
Today, the study participants are in their 40s and 50s, and recent research indicates that the children who were better at delaying gratification back in the day continue to enjoy numerous advantages.?
如今,這批兒童已經(jīng)四五十歲了,但最新的研究顯示孩童時(shí)期就學(xué)會(huì)延遲滿(mǎn)足的人今天依舊有更多的優(yōu)勢(shì)。
They excel in education, have a greater sense of self-worth, manage their stress better, and are less prone to drug abuse.
他們?cè)诮逃矫姹憩F(xiàn)出色,有更強(qiáng)烈的自我價(jià)值感,能夠更好地管理壓力,不會(huì)輕易濫用藥物。
The research has given us substantial evidence about how an individual’s ability to delay gratification plays a significant and intricate role in shaping their health, well-being, and success.
這個(gè)研究告訴我們延遲滿(mǎn)足在身體健康,身心愉悅和成功中扮演多么關(guān)鍵又意想不到的作用。
這就是著名的斯坦福棉花糖實(shí)驗(yàn),研究了一個(gè)心理學(xué)上常見(jiàn)但又沒(méi)有深入研究過(guò)的現(xiàn)象——延遲滿(mǎn)足感(delay of gratification),其實(shí)這個(gè)實(shí)驗(yàn)很好地說(shuō)明到底高純度的快樂(lè)該如何獲得。
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當(dāng)然,現(xiàn)在流行這樣一種說(shuō)法:活在當(dāng)下。似乎李白的“今朝有酒今朝醉”才能帶來(lái)真正的快樂(lè)。我們現(xiàn)代人習(xí)慣了時(shí)效性和便捷,似乎一切能立刻兌換掉的東西,沒(méi)有必要拖到下一刻,快樂(lè)也是一樣。如果5分鐘后能夠享受快樂(lè),我們不會(huì)耐著性子拖到第6分鐘去兌現(xiàn)。
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也許就像劇作家王爾德所說(shuō):“人生有兩種悲劇,一是得不到你想要的東西,一是得到了你想要的東西?!?我們之所以沒(méi)有辦法享受高純度快樂(lè),就在于快樂(lè)太唾手可得,付出的努力不足以與快樂(lè)相稱(chēng)。即使得到也不會(huì)有珍惜和滿(mǎn)足感。
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但延遲滿(mǎn)足感卻能讓快樂(lè)像葡萄酒愈久彌香。所謂成功者,不過(guò)是將眼界放在未來(lái),而非貪戀一城一地,一時(shí)一刻的快感。他們有足夠韌勁和耐力,讓他們熬過(guò)那些灰暗無(wú)邊的日子,在未來(lái)某個(gè)時(shí)刻see the light at the end of tunnel,而后厚積薄發(fā)。
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延遲滿(mǎn)足感和大器晚成同樣需要耐力、執(zhí)著和取舍和一種儀式感。一頓大餐,如果你只是在餓了時(shí)候去品嘗,絕對(duì)會(huì)覺(jué)得寡淡無(wú)味。但如果是加完班,做好了一天的工作,帶著一份充實(shí)和犒賞的感覺(jué)去享用,那種儀式感會(huì)讓快樂(lè)增值,這頓大餐會(huì)讓你的味蕾?gòu)氐拙`放。
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所以,各位親愛(ài)的看官,如果你只是想吃巧克力而吃了一顆,那是不會(huì)快樂(lè)的。如果你口袋里有巧克力,那么把它冰鎮(zhèn)起來(lái),當(dāng)你付出的努力、辛苦足以與巧克力的快樂(lè)相配時(shí),再去品嘗吧,那時(shí)候的巧克力絕對(duì)會(huì)唇齒留香!