1 You are too late On a bus a man discovered a pickpocket’s hand thrust into his pocket. “sorry,” he said to the pickpocket, “you are too late. My wife did it before you.” 2 A father told his son, “When Lincoln was your age he walked ten miles to school every day.” The kid replied, “Well, when he was your age, he was president!” 3 One day, Eve asked Adam, “Do you really love me ?” Adam said helplessly, “Do I have any other choice?” 4 Millionaire CEO: “My wife made a millionaire out of me.” Assistant: “What were you before?” CEO: “a multimillionaire.” 5 A: What would you do if you find your husband date with another woman? B: I’ll open one eye and close one eye. A: How kind you are! B: No, I’ll shoot him. 6 Much worse Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse. 7 Wife talking to her husband (Who reads the newspaper all day): “I wish I were a newspaper so I would be in your hands all day.” Husband: “I wish that too, so I could change you daily.” 8 Wife and husband 1 Wife: You see. According to the statistics on the paper, 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcohol. Husband: It’s okay. To my investigation, all these people eat meals. 9 Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, “I hear sirens. Jump.” The second one said, “But we’re on the 13th floor!” The first one screamed back, “This is no time to be superstitious!” 10 Why is he howling Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet. Patient: I know, but you are standing on my foot!