Things My Mother Taught Me ------Anonymous My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me religion: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about time travel: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My Mother taught me logic: "Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me foresight: "Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM contortion: "Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about stamina: "You'll sit there'til all that spinach is finished." My mother taught me about weather: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." My mother taught me how to solve physics problems: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?" My mother taught me about envy: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"