1

Email from Jetblue advertising reduced rates on flights, and the roundtrip fare from Portland to Las Vegas was outstandingly low. "That could be fun," I thought. Oh, how wrong I was.
捷藍(lán)航空發(fā)來的廣告郵件里說機(jī)票有折扣，從波特蘭到拉斯維加斯的往返機(jī)票價格已經(jīng)低到了極致?！叭ツ抢锿嫱鎽?yīng)該很有意思吧，” 我想。然而事實(shí)證明，我錯了。

After spending a week in Las Vegas, I can say without a doubt that I'd rather rub fiberglass in my eyes than set foot on the strip again. There are several reasons for this.
在拉斯維加斯待了一周之后，我想說我真是瞎了眼才會到這種地方來旅游。下面我就來說說原因。
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2

1. Everything in Las Vegas is Fake
拉斯維加斯的一切都是假的

Vegas is structured like a theme park, if the theme was "disgusting." It's like walking around Disneyland, only all the wholesome, beloved Disney mascots have been transformed into drunk sluts and bros drenched in Axe body spray.
拉斯維加斯的結(jié)構(gòu)就好像一個主題公園，而這個主題是“惡心”。在這里就好像走在迪斯尼樂園里，只不過迪斯尼那些可愛的玩偶都變成了混合著濃濃香水味的醉鬼們。

3

All the big casinos and attractions areconsolidated to one stretch of land, and after a mile or two it just ends. One afternoon I walked all the way down Las Vegas Boulevard, and after a few miles I found myself smack dab in the middle of nothing. A tumbleweed rolled by my feet and I was reminded that I was in the middle of the desert. Behind me, the strip shimmered like an oasis, except it's the opposite of an oasis, where instead of water and camels they have Jose Cuervo and staph infections.
所有大型的賭場和景點(diǎn)都被聚集在一塊地方，走不到一兩英里就到了盡頭。一天下午我沿著拉斯維加斯大道走著，還沒走幾英里就發(fā)現(xiàn)四周已經(jīng)一片荒蕪。一叢風(fēng)滾草擦過我的腳邊，提醒我已經(jīng)置身于沙漠之中。在我身后一片光芒閃過，仿佛是綠洲。而和綠洲不同的是，這里沒有水和駱駝，取而代之的是金快活龍舌蘭和葡萄球菌傳染病。

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2. Vegas is Geographically Confusing
拉斯維加斯讓人找不著北

The strip is crowded, and I have a shitty sense of direction as it is. There are dozens of pedestrian walkways and overpasses, so it was impossible for me to walk down the strip without getting lost. To make matters worse, many of the large casinos are connected by meandering strip malls full of expensive boutiques, like some glitzy Underground Railroad.
這是一個擁擠的城市，而且我的方向感也不好。這里有許多人行通道和過街天橋，所以我想要不迷路地走遍全城是不可能的。更糟糕的是，很多大型賭場之間都曲折分布著零售商店，而且價格不菲，看起來好像讓人眼花繚亂的地鐵。

I lose my way so easily and it's always frustrating. I remember watching Labyrinth as a kid, and even that experience was mildly exhausting for me. I just wanted Jennifer Connelly to find her goddamned way and save me the two hours of dancing puppets. Las Vegas was a pretty similar experience.
我總是很容易就迷路，這的確讓人抓狂。這讓我想起小時候看的電影《魔幻迷宮》，光是看著就已經(jīng)讓我筋疲力盡了。我只是希望珍妮佛-康納利能找到她那條該死的路來拯救我這兩個小時的提心吊膽。而在拉斯維加斯的迷路經(jīng)歷正是如此。
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3. Everyone is Trying to Sell You Something
所有人都試圖向你兜售點(diǎn)什么

If you somehow manage to keep your bearings while maneuvering the strip, you'll still be harassed by a constant barrage of salesmen, amateur musicians, and "entrepreneurs." Dudes are trying to sell you club passes or mixtapes they burned on their laptops, or handing out cards advertising hookers social companions at discounted rates.
如果你想逛街又想捂住荷包，那么街頭一個接一個出現(xiàn)的小販、業(yè)余演奏家和“商人們”會讓你不堪其擾。他們會向你推銷俱樂部門票、自制音樂合輯，或者派發(fā)印有廉價色情服務(wù)廣告的卡片。

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The folks handing out the ho trading cards are by far the worst distraction in Vegas, because there seem to be hundreds of them. They abjectly flap these cards in your face featuring ladies who will apparently show up to your hotel room for a nominal fee and entertain you. With trashy names and stars arbitrarily covering up their naughty bits, they glare forth like super sexy Pokemon. Take your pick.
那些派發(fā)色情服務(wù)廣告小卡片的家伙是拉斯維加斯最讓人討厭的，因?yàn)樗麄兊年?duì)伍看上去有好幾百人。他們會把那些小卡片扔到你的臉上，卡片上印著那種會出現(xiàn)在你酒店房間，收取費(fèi)用然后提供特殊服務(wù)的女郎形象。她們用一些大眾化的名字，干著齷齪的勾當(dāng)，像小丑一樣搔首弄姿，等待著你來挑選。

7

Ironically, the dudes selling their homemade rap albums on CDR's mostly ignored me, figuring I wouldn't be interested. Joke's on them, because if there's one thing I would have shelled out cash for it's poorly recorded homebrew hip hop.
諷刺的是，那些賣自制說唱樂CD的家伙幾乎都無視我的存在，好像他們認(rèn)定我對這個沒有興趣。可事實(shí)上如果還有什么能讓我掏錢來買的話，應(yīng)該就是這些簡陋的自制嘻哈音樂CD了。

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4. Everything Being Sold is Outrageously Expensive
所有東西都貴的離譜

I wouldn't be suckered into $45 club passes or crazy-hot, totally disease-free hookers, but I wasn't able to starve myself for a week in protest of exorbitant food costs. After a few days of eighteen dollar spicy tuna rolls and $24 scrambled eggs, I decided to try my luck at my hotel's buffet. I figured I'd have a more satisfying meal when more options were present, but after a twenty dollar entrance fee I was met with stale bagels and cold pancakes.
那些45美元的俱樂部門票和火辣健康的應(yīng)召女郎對我毫無吸引力，但我卻不能因?yàn)轱埐速F的離譜就讓自己活活餓一個星期。吃了幾天18美元的香辣吞拿魚卷和24美元的炒雞蛋，我決定去酒店的自助餐廳試試運(yùn)氣。我想那里既然有更多選擇，我的胃口應(yīng)該會更加滿足。然而花了20美元，我只吃到了不新鮮的百吉餅和已經(jīng)冷掉的薄煎餅。

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I normally take umbrage with buffets and I should've trusted my gut this time and steered clear. I'm a man of few convictions, but buffets just seem crass to me when people are starving in other countries. I think about it this way: if Americans learned there was a country somewhere where people paid a modest fee to browse through a buffet of Apple products, we'd all lose our shit over the profound injustice.
通常來講我對自助餐都不怎么感冒。這一次我本不該相信自己的胃口。我一般很少隨便下定論，但當(dāng)你在別的國家挨餓的時候，自助餐看上去似乎是個好的選擇。我是這樣想的：如果美國人發(fā)現(xiàn)有這么一個國家，人們花很少的錢就可以隨意挑選蘋果的電子產(chǎn)品，這是多么的不公平啊。

I finished my old crusty bagel on principle, because I care about Africa.
我還是很守規(guī)矩地吃完了那個不新鮮而且硬邦邦的百吉餅，因?yàn)槲谊P(guān)心非洲人民的疾苦。
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5. Las Vegas is an Awful Representation of America
拉斯維加斯是美國糟糕的象征

...or perhaps it's the purest representation of America. It depends on who you talk to. I prefer to have faith in the American Dream?, and pray that Vegas isn't it. Wandering around the strip, it struck me how many different languages I was hearing. I'm not one to criticize someone else's choice in vacation destination, but if you come to the US and Las Vegas is the one place you visit, I'm concerned about what impression you'll take away about America.
或者，也許可以說拉斯維加斯是美國最純粹的象征。這取決于你會跟誰聊天。我更愿意相信美國夢的存在，并且祈禱拉斯維加斯不屬于這個夢。在這里隨處逛逛，你會聽到許多不同的語言。我不愿意對他人選擇的度假地做出批評，但如果你來了美國，而且拉斯維加斯是你的目的地之一，我很擔(dān)心它會讓你對美國留下什么樣的印象。