The married people argue most over issues like who is going to be in control. When I was younger, I need to control arose out of fear, a lack of trust and insecurity. Finally I realized I didn't need to control my wife that, indeed, I ought not to control her, that I couldn't control her, and that if I tried, I would destroy our marriage. Giving up control is often confused with weakness. But the winner in a home argument is never really the winner. When you win a battle and your partner submits, you have actually lost. What do we want most from a marriage? To love and be loved. To be happy and secure.