大家好，這是滬江劍橋商務(wù)英語網(wǎng)針對滬江網(wǎng)友在BEC寫作中所遇到的棘手問題而新設(shè)的一個作文輔導(dǎo)欄目。每期欄目我們都會邀請到BEC名師對滬江論壇BEC版塊的網(wǎng)友作文進行評點，為各位同學(xué)在BEC的考試準(zhǔn)備中助你一臂之力。

想讓名師評點你的作文嗎？請訂閱BEC寫作類節(jié)目：BEC作文輔導(dǎo)

本期BEC名師：昂立BEC項目部主任張夢琳老師，擔(dān)綱商務(wù)英語聽說、企業(yè)團訓(xùn)聽說主講,曾在知名企業(yè)擔(dān)綱首席口譯。從事聽說教學(xué)十年之久，最樂意與同學(xué)分享職場經(jīng)歷，她的教學(xué)理念是：Enjoy learning English in the rest of your life!

本期作文題目：

You are a regional salesman for an office equipment supplier. You are organising your schedule for visiting your existing clients next month.

Write an e-mail of 40-50 words to one of your clients:
*explaining why you would like to visit them
*proposing a time to visit
*asking them to suggest an alternative if necessary.

Sample:

Dear Mr. Shultz:

Our new catalogue is now ready. I will be in your city on 16th December and would be able to visit your office to discuss our special Winter offers with you then. Please let me know if this would be convenient or contact me to suggest an alternative.

網(wǎng)友作文一：

Dear Mr. Smith,

I would like to visit you to discuss about the detail price and function of our office equipment that you want to buy. So I am planning to visit you at this weekend. [1] Is it available for you? If it is not,[2] please suggest me an alternative. With best regards,

Yours sincerely,
Ellen

_________________________________________
[1]啰嗦。如果要用定語從句，建議改為：that we offered. 后句去掉。
[2]合二為一。If that is not available for you, please suggest an alternative.

網(wǎng)友作文二：

To: Jim
From: Sant
Subject: Visiting Schedule

In order to talk with you on the conditions and items of the insurance policy, I attempt to visit you on 22th November. Provided that the date is unconvenient for you ,do not hesitate to suggest me the alternative days. [1]

Regards!

_________________________________________
[1]這個過去分詞出師無名，句子主體是沒有主語的，這是祈使句。建議把句子補齊，把主語添上。