你寫(xiě)我改:BEC名師評(píng)點(diǎn)網(wǎng)友作文(12)
網(wǎng)友作文一:
As the new project will be set off this year, our department needs to recruit 35 new emplyees[1]. The new staffs[2] shall have ability including innovation, teamwork, hard-working, goo manner.[3]
There exists three ways to recruit new staffs[2]: Newspaper(Echo) advertisments,Recurimet agency, Online recuriment.All of them have its advantages and disadvantages, so we shall use all of them to assure high-qualified staffs can see the information. [4]For the Recuriment agency, the efficiency is low but it probably can offer good[5] qulified people. WHy i chose echo instead of Chronic as it has much more readers with only five hundred dollors higher.
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[1]拼寫(xiě)是BEC作文中很重要的給分原則。
[2]基本詞匯不過(guò)關(guān),staff 是集合名詞,不用復(fù)數(shù)
[3]這看起來(lái)是招聘廣告上的東西吧,很抽象。審題要看懂要求,what type of staff 是指要招聘什么部門(mén)的員工。
[4]廢話(huà)一句,可以去掉。題目要求是寫(xiě)出recruitment agency 的缺點(diǎn),當(dāng)然任何一種招聘方式都各有優(yōu)缺,所以直接寫(xiě)disadvantage 。
[5]去掉,形容詞怎么能修飾形容詞
網(wǎng)友作文二:
Dear Paddy, [1]
Now our company has already put into a right path. I think[2] we should build an[3] complete organization in order to lead our company to obtain better and longer development. [4] So we need recruite 35 new staff allocated in 4 departments.
Please check the following list:
Dept. No. Duty
Personnel Dept. 2 Staff Management
Marketing Dept. 5 Marketing research and plan
QC Dept. 5 Control the quality of products
Sales Dept. 20 Product promotion in domestic
International business Dept. 3 Product promotion overseas[5]
Regarding with possible recruitment methods, there are the following three:
1) Recruitment agency.
The method is the best popular way in market. But considering that the cost is much higher, I don't suggest we adopt it.
2) Newspaper advertisement
It is a economical method compared with the first one. Though we used many times before,it also could enlarges the popalarity of our company.
3) Online recruitment? [6]
It is the best economical method.But it has large limits.And couldn't have the interview face to face.
So after the comparison, I think the second way is most suitable for us. Now I have two choice in Newspaper. One is Echo, the other is Chronicle. Numbers sold each day of Echo is 600,000, and cost of advertisement is just 2500. But The numbers sold each day of Chronicle is 200,000, less than the first, and cost of 2000 is not cheap. Echo could let more readers know this recruition of our company.lSo Echo is our best choice.
How about your considering?
I am awaiting for your advice.
Best wishes,
Jerry [7]
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[1]這不是寫(xiě)信,怎么有稱(chēng)呼
[2]報(bào)告中沒(méi)有主觀(guān)的表達(dá),去掉
[3]這是什么?
[4]原因不具體,公司至于為了長(zhǎng)久發(fā)展招聘員工?
[5]這占了報(bào)告很大一部分,喧賓奪主了。
[6]跑題了,考題中并沒(méi)有讓考生陳述各個(gè)招聘方式的優(yōu)缺。
[7]這不是報(bào)告的格式,整體結(jié)構(gòu)錯(cuò)誤