你小時(shí)候做過(guò)哪些讓爸媽不想認(rèn)你這個(gè)孩子的蠢事？提起這個(gè)，大概每個(gè)人腦子里都會(huì)浮現(xiàn)出那么一兩件，自己覺(jué)得是黑歷史的事情吧……英語(yǔ)君也曾經(jīng)覺(jué)得自己小時(shí)候蔫壞的不行呢，黑歷史可以寫成一本書，直到看到這篇reddit上的問(wèn)答帖，才覺(jué)得自己的童年真是不值一提－What was the dumbest thing you did as a kid? 要是有個(gè)全球熊孩子大排名，估計(jì)下面這幾位都能上榜了……
1.我這一針催產(chǎn)劑，怕是沒(méi)人能比了
When I was 3 or 4 I managed to stick a pair of rubber gloves in the toaster oven and turned it on to see what would happen. I nearly burned our kitchen down but my pregnant mother waddled into the kitchen and promptly chucked the flaming toaster oven into the backyard. The stress from this whole ordeal sent my mom into labor later that evening. A few hours later and my sister was born.
在我大概三四歲的時(shí)候，我曾經(jīng)把一副橡膠手套塞進(jìn)吐司機(jī)里，然后啟動(dòng)了它，想看看這么玩會(huì)發(fā)生什么。于是我?guī)缀醢颜麄€(gè)廚房都燒掉了，我還在孕期的媽媽邁著大步?jīng)_進(jìn)廚房，以迅雷不及掩耳之勢(shì)把還在閃著火光的吐司機(jī)甩到了后院里。整個(gè)事情給我媽的壓力，直接在當(dāng)晚送她進(jìn)了產(chǎn)房。幾個(gè)小時(shí)后，我妹妹就這么出生了。
Tips：
1）burn down 燒盡，燃盡，燒毀
2）waddle這個(gè)詞是踱步，像鴨子一樣邁著大步的意思。在這里形容氣急敗壞的孕婦媽媽也是很有畫面感吶
3）ordeal有折磨，苦難經(jīng)歷的意思。說(shuō)某事是ordeal，那它一定讓人經(jīng)歷了不可描述的痛苦
2.我玩嗨了連我自己都不放過(guò)
I was around 11, playing some kind of game in which my friends had captured me and put me in jail under the stairwell. I soon got bored and decided it would be more realistic if I was chained up to the coat rack. By my neck. With a scarf. Long story short, my friends returned to find me turning blue in the face with essentially a noose around my neck. I was so grounded.
我當(dāng)時(shí)大概11歲，在跟我的朋友們玩一個(gè)游戲－我扮成囚犯被他們抓住，然后被囚禁在樓梯下的小黑屋里。我很快就被關(guān)的無(wú)聊了，于是一時(shí)興起決定玩的更真實(shí)一點(diǎn)－把自己掛在大衣架上，用圍巾，掛住脖子。長(zhǎng)話短說(shuō)，我的朋友們回來(lái)后發(fā)現(xiàn)我頭上套著套索，臉已經(jīng)憋青了。我這下可真是被禁足了。
英語(yǔ)君想知道這位險(xiǎn)些為藝術(shù)獻(xiàn)身的壯士，現(xiàn)在還敢戴圍巾嗎？
Tips：
1）long story short就是我們常說(shuō)的長(zhǎng)話短說(shuō)。功能類似于常用的anyways, nevertheless這些詞。
2）be grounded意思是被禁足，不允許出門玩耍。在美國(guó)很多家庭都會(huì)有禁足這種說(shuō)法。孩子如果做了“壞事”，最經(jīng)典的懲罰措施就是禁足了。例如：
I was grounded for a month because I sneakily drove my dad’s car out and somehow he found out.
我偷偷開著老爸的車出門了，他不知怎么的竟然發(fā)現(xiàn)了，我因此被禁足了一個(gè)月。
3.我對(duì)大紅腸的愛(ài)，你不要說(shuō)你不感動(dòng)
I got bologna stuck up my nose. My mom had to use a syringe full of water to flush it out.
我鼻子里塞了紅腸，我媽媽用盛滿了水的注射器才把它沖出來(lái)。
路人甲回復(fù)：
How?
怎么會(huì)塞到鼻子里？
層主：
I loved bologna so much that for whatever reason I decided it belonged up to my nose.
我實(shí)在是太愛(ài)大紅腸了，于是，不知道為啥，我就覺(jué)得他應(yīng)該跟塞在我鼻子里。
路人甲：
Fair enough.
行吧，這很說(shuō)得通。
英語(yǔ)君想不通啦……
Tip: fair enough這個(gè)短語(yǔ)是指同意對(duì)方的觀點(diǎn)，不過(guò)并沒(méi)有完完全全信服。所以除了用來(lái)表達(dá)讓步，也常常用來(lái)作諷刺，幽默的用法。例如：
Oh you think Kelso did that awesome thing? Fair enough, ‘cuz monkey could do that, right?
哦你覺(jué)得這么了不起的事是Kelso干的？嗯很有道理，畢竟猴子都能干得了這事，不是嗎？
4.親媽都是這樣玩孩子的
I found these cylindrical sponges in my barn, stuffed them up my shirt and ran into the house to show my mom. She practically died laughing and had me show her friend. The friend proceeded to laugh until she cried, and has called me “Spongeboobs” ever since.
我在我家谷倉(cāng)里找到一些圓柱形的海綿，然后把它們?nèi)M(jìn)了衣服里，跑到我媽媽面前給她展示。她是真的笑的快要死過(guò)去了，然后拉著我去給她一個(gè)朋友展示。她朋友笑到流淚，從此以后我就一直她叫做“海饅寶寶”了。
Tips：
1）這段用了兩個(gè)很巧妙形容大笑的說(shuō)法。一個(gè)是died laughing，感覺(jué)跟我們常說(shuō)的笑die很相近哦。另一個(gè)是laugh until she cried，笑哭。都非常有畫面感。
2）這里用了海綿寶寶的梗。因?yàn)楹＞d寶寶是Spongebob，這位阿姨難道就是傳說(shuō)中修煉千年的污婆……
5.沒(méi)有一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)防備，我差點(diǎn)成了軍火制造商？
I was really into chemistry. A friend asked me to make a pipe bomb for him. I did it without asking him why or what he was going to do with it. He blew up a neighbor’s house. It blew the front door through the dinning room wall. The screen door was across the street. The porch collapsed. Most of the windows broke.
我小時(shí)候真的非常喜歡化學(xué)。一個(gè)朋友叫我給他做一個(gè)雷管，我沒(méi)問(wèn)他為啥要雷管，也沒(méi)問(wèn)他要拿雷管干啥，就這么給他做了一個(gè)。于是他后來(lái)炸飛了一個(gè)鄰居的房子。從前門到餐廳的墻都炸飛了，紗門飛到了馬路對(duì)面去，門廊也塌了，差不多所有窗戶都破了。
路人甲：
Um…Hey bro can I have a pipe bomb for…um science
呃，嘿哥們兒，可以幫我做個(gè)雷管嗎，我……科學(xué)課要用的。
朋友，別惹愛(ài)科學(xué)的孩子，以及他們的朋友
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聲明：本雙語(yǔ)文章的中文翻譯系滬江英語(yǔ)原創(chuàng)內(nèi)容，轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處。中文翻譯僅代表譯者個(gè)人觀點(diǎn)，僅供參考。如有不妥之處，歡迎指正。
